'Tough' boys may never learn social skills

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Wednesday, 03rd December 2008

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'Tough' boys may never learn social skills
	Author: Administrator Account Added: 03/31/2004 Type: Summary Viewed: 545 time(s) [ Not Rated Yet ]

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'Tough' boys may never learn social skills

It seems your son has achieved status of some sort. He's a toughie, and maybe a meanie, but the other boys seem to respect him, and girls even admire him. Is that so bad?
Dr. Philip Rodkin says it's a threat to your son's future. Rodkin led a study published in the journal Developmental Psychology. The researchers looked at boys from a variety of backgrounds and found that kids gave status to bullies as well as to smart, or athletic, or cool kids.
Fully a third of high status students used aggression to achieve power and popularity. But, say the psychologists, a boy who uses aggression in this way might never learn other social skills. He might only know how to relate through dominance, an approach that will severely limit him later on.
In his book, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (Owl Books), psychologist William Pollack says a boy's life at school and at home are far different. Your son could be fighting at school either to be popular or because he's scared. He won't usually talk about it. But if you get involved in some activity with him, you can ask how much fighting he sees at school and how he feels about it. If you think he is too aggressive, talk about understanding other kids and how they feel.
Should you think your son is getting pushed around, help him form friendships with kids who won't dominate him. A group of buddies will care less about the mean kid than one boy alone. Insist that schools reward good behavior and punish violence, and encourage kids to direct aggression onto the playing field or another positive outlet.

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