The family feud: - Family Daily

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Wednesday, 03rd December 2008

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The family feud:
	Author: Administrator Account Added: 03/19/2004 Type: Summary Viewed: 579 time(s) [ Not Rated Yet ]

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The family feud:

In our time, feuding family members rarely have duels. That's fortunate indeed, because right now the family feud is alive and well. Ask anyone, and they may tell you about a family where one member hasn't spoken to another for a long time.

There are actually two kinds of feuds. The first is the culmination of a lifetime of circumstances. Estrangements are rarely caused by one event, according to the Family Studies Department at the University of Maryland.

The second type begins suddenly. It was a single hurt or one insulting incident that caused the break.

A mediator of family disputes at the University of San Francisco law school says a go-between can often help. It could be a family member, spiritual advisor, or counselor, or it could be you. Here's how to start:

* Do it soon before the parties become even more bitter.

* Don't take sides. Make it clear that you are strictly the mediator. Hear each side with a neutral ear, and don't look for confessions or apologies. Say you aren't clear on how it started, but you know that everyone in the family is being hurt.

* Try to set up a meeting. Ask each one where to meet and what discuss. Compare the two lists and try to find agreement on some less important matter such as who speaks first.

If an outdoor gathering is coming up, it could be an ideal place for the two to see each other. With plenty of space, they could at least exchange a polite greeting. It's a start.

* Before any meeting, tell each party they can't make insults or insinuations. Restate the problem in discussions with each so you and they can hear how it actually sounds.

* Recall happy times with each. The message is that the good times can come again in the future.

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