October 15, 2004 -— Ask a parent of teenagers; ‘What’s the most difficult talk you’ve ever had to give’, and without hesitation most will say ‘The Sex Talk’. Many parents will do almost anything to avoid this topic. Some parents get caught between ‘Just Say No’, thinking that any discussion will be interpreted as permission while others throw up their hands in resignation and say; ‘They Already Know’ assuming that between the internet, television and the media, there is nothing left to teach their kids. For some parents tossing a book at their teenager is the best they can do to fulfill their parental responsibility. Yet surveys from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy have shown that teens who are able to have open and honest talks with their parents are much more likely to postpone sexual activity and much less likely to become pregnant. So why is everyone so afraid of talking?
“Most parents have no idea where to even start the sex conversation” says Howard B. Schiffer, parenting and teen sexuality expert and author of ‘How To Be The Best Lover – A Guide For Teenage Boys’. Schiffer points to four main reasons why parents have such a hard time talking with their teenagers: (1) Most parents were never talked to when they were teenagers, so they have no model to work from, (2) Talking with teens reminds parents of their own teenage years, often an awkward, uncomfortable and embarrassing time many would just as soon forget, (3) Parents have their own current issues with sexuality which makes exploring this territory a minefield, and (4) Our culture tends to demonize, trivialize, minimize, romanticize, or fantasize the topic of sexuality, all of which makes any normal conversation difficult at best.
“We’re just passing along our ignorance” Schiffer says. He continues, “The truth is, that if we don’t educate our children, the culture will. Without taking an active role, parents are leaving their children in a sex education class that is being taught by a fourteen year old.” Not the best source of a well-balanced view of sexuality.
Dr. Michael A. Carrera, director of Adolescent Sexuality and Pregnancy Prevention, The Children’s Aid Society, agrees; “A parent really has no choice in this matter (of talking with their teens about sexuality), the only choice is whether the job will be done well or poorly”. It could be that we need to refocus our entire concept of sex education in this country. The problem might be not in what is being taught but rather who is being taught in our sex ed classes. It’s been clearly shown that parents are the best sexuality educators for their children. And it’s obvious that many parents are stymied when it comes to having this talk. So how about sex education classes for parents?! It might be the most important class a parent ever has to take.
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